Some stories i thought were kinda funny. xD!

1. When i was about 15 i did a christmas play at my friend Christinas church. We decided to do a play about the night Jesus was born. Christina was palying Mary and i was playing the angel Gabriel. Well the preacher told me to just imagine we were rehersing instead of being in front of an audience. My bug scenne was up and christina started to giggle. ( remeber i was pretending i was just rehersing this) So i slapped her really hard in the side of the head. and the audience about peed themselves luaghing. but the preacher told everyone he liked that version better, so everyone left us alone. But the people from the church still call me Gabriel insted of Heather.

2. my husband and i were at bed,bath and beyond doing a list of what we needed before we got married and we were in towels at the time and my husband didnt think anyone was behind him and he lifted his leg and let out this horrific smelling fart and there was a lady standing right behind him i was so so embaressed thinking i am marrying this man!!!!! - Anonymous

3. I was at the mall with my husband , I was ordering a soda at a fast food restaurant thinking he was beside me I got the urge to grab his butt.. Me being in a rather cheeky mood, I did... Just a few minutes before my husband had said " Honey, I will be right back". and walked away. I did not here this... So, I grabbed the guy standing next to me only it wasn't his butt it was his groin... He got a great kick outta it and said "He needed to come to the mall more often". and as did his friends they asked if I was single. The guy taking the order l was laughing so hard he was crying. My husband thought it was the best thing that had happened all yr. I was mortified.... - Marcie

4. I was sitting in language class and the teacher is reading a boring story and all of a sudden i fall asleep. When the teacher finally realized i was asleep she woke me up and i farted really loud. Then all the class ran out because it smelled so bad. It was so embarrising but in the end every one laughed. - Keegan

5. My best friend and I were at taco bell and we can be somewhat rebellious. She dared me to steal this big neon sign off the wall. So after much contemplating I devised a fool proof plan to get the sign without getting caught. I grabbed it off these 2 hooks that were holding it up and we made a mad dash for the door. I looked back to see 3 of the workers chasing me!! Then suddenly the cord snapped. I had forgotton to unplug the darn thing and the snap was so intense I flew backwards and landed on my butt. I still had a chance to get away so I jumped up and continued running towards my friends' car. When I got to the car I grabbed the door handle only to discover it was locked! My friend was still running and fumbling for her keys. It was a close call but we got away. The next week I was sitting in one of my classes at school when this new kid behind me said "Hey I work at taco bell and I remember you! Our manager blamed us for the missing sign!" I just replied "I have no idea what you're talking about." The sign remains in my rec room as a reminder of our adventure.

6. this hapened when i was 7, i was at a soccer game and 5 minutes before it was over i had to do pee really bad but i was young so i was to embarrassed to go in the trees and there were no bathrooms nearby, so there was like 2 minutes left and i couldnt hold it anymoreso i just stood there peeing my pants.

7. A couple weeks ago my little cousins (both 1 1/2 years old)were visting and I was showing them how to blow bubbles but at the same time I was drinking a soda, I had put them down to go to the bathroom, when I came back I grabbed for my soda and drank it, without realizing it I drank a good deal of soap fluid so I had to be rushed to the hospital but fainted in the ambulance, when I woke up they told me my immune system had been using all my energy to combat the viruses. They told me not to talk butI couldn't help it. I said who are you, to the person next to me, not only did it turn out to be my crush but it sounded like I was cussing her off because my voice was messed up. Embarrasing. - JW,KY

8. One day I was at the Y.M.C.A. and got on a treadmill and was going 5 miles per hour. Well it was just warming up but I thought that it was at it's full speed so I thought I could handle three times as much but I couldn't and I fell off and my full upper body was on the treadmill and I kept trying to push my self back up but I couldn't because my hands kept slipping! There were a bunch of teenagers there! I was ready to die!!! So emabarrasing!!!

9. ok wel me n my girlfriend were going for a walk around this place. anyway i was walkin and then subdenly ma pants juz ripped i was so embrassed and she broke up with me...Oh well

10. its a miracle: alright this is a dumb moment for me. it all happened when i was abt 12 years old as usual i was sitting in the classroom and at that time i had really bad cold and bad stomach ache so i was struggling to keep up interest in the lesson that was being taught.in middle of class i was getting a sneeze so i did but instead farted so bad and started laughing embaressely but no one noticed i was looking like a total ass in the classroom

11. one day i went to asroworld with my friends for my cousins birthday and we all decided that we were going to go to water world first.i was so exited cause it would have been my first time at water world.As we were getting ready to get wet i saw this fine boy and it turned out to be that he was going to be at the party with all of us too,we all decided that insted of riding the water rides first we would all just chill in the wave pool for a while! that was a reall really bad idea i was in a white and cherry bathing suit and right when i got in the water i saw red stuff coming from behind me i was on my PERIOD and the person who first noticed it was my crush!!!!! and for the rest of the day every one was sayin they got to swim in the red sea i was so imbarrased - Damaree

12. When I was in 9th grade my photo class had decided to go on a field trip. I was getting on the bus when I saw my crush sitting two rows away toward the aisle. Trying to be smooth I walked weirdly down the aisle only to slip in front of her. I tried to grab on to something and grabbed her boob. She had some big boobs so it was not like I could miss them anyway. - Anonymous

13. My most embarrasing moment was when i was in elementary school. I was in the bathroom while my bestfriend waited for me outside. When I came out I thought I saw my mom so I ran up to her, said hi mommy and hugged her. The lady turns around and says sorry honey I'm not your mom. So I walk away embarrased while my friend is laughing and making fun of me - To embarrased

HERE'S SOME OF MY FAV. QUOTES. I THOUGHT SOME OF THEM WERE PRETTY FUNNY.

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Isn't it funny how the word 'olitics' is made up of the words 'oli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?

Can mute people burp?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Is sign language the same in languages other than English?

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

1. I hate when people say "Don't be sorry, just don't do it" WTF?
Ok, fine then, what do you want me to say, im not sorry. You either except the apology or you don't. I can't always controll what i do, im imperfect.

2. I hate when something really bad happens to you and you tell someone and they say "Oh Wow! that sucks". Well dam, thanks for the support and for making me feel better.

3. I hate when people try to tell you what to do or give you critisism when you didn't ask them. I can understand you THINK you're helping but you're not. I feel if i say i don't want your help, don't give it to me. Excuse my language, but who the FUCK are you. I feel no human on this earth has the right to tell you what you need to fix in your life because we are ALL imperfect. Let God (If you believe in him) do the judging, NOT YOU.

4. I hate when your parents talk about sex or curse, and they either send you out the room or say "Your too young to hear this or I can't say because there is kids in the room" Like teenagers never heard that stuff before. Mom and dad, i hear more cursing and sex in school in a lifetime then you do.

5. I hate when people say "You got beat by a girl" Well WTH, what am i suppose to lose to you in EVRYTHING. I understand it's a guy thing, but dam. And yes, some girls still say that.

6. I hate when people say "Violence is not the answer" Hey, violence is the answer to everything. If someone is keeps punching you and you brake their arms, they can't punch you anymore. lol

7. I hate when people say they're for the war, but against abortion. WHAT? Are you kidding me? That doesn't make sense to me. Arent they both killing. So, are you saying wait until they're born and all grown to kill them.

8. I hate when people say "You SOB" Did you realize what you said?
Let me brake it down for you, you just called me A SON OF A FEMALE DOG. It's impossible for a human to be a son of a female dog. lol

9. I hate when people do certain things because it's a tradition and even though they don't like it. Why can't you do things on your own. Just because people back then did it doesnt mean you have to do it. Who says they're right.

10. Finally, i hate when your parents talk about our generation. Ok, i admit it is bad, but it's your generation's fault. You gave birth to us and you made us. lol

P.S. (A LOT OF THESE, I DONT REALLY MEAN IT BUT THEY MAKE YOU THINK AND I MAY UPDATE THIS WITH MORE)